


Illusion IS Reality- Iyashikei

by Mizuuma



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Drunk Bill Cipher, Gen, Gijinka, Human Axolotl, Human Bill Cipher, domestic AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-04-30 14:17:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14498844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizuuma/pseuds/Mizuuma
Summary: The Gijinka Domestic AU spin-off from my main fic Illusion IS Reality.Mainly just short drabbles. Not a priority fic, I'll update whenever I feel like it.





	1. 1- For Want of a Nail

**Illusion is Reality: Iyashikei**  
  
**-For want of a Nail-**  
  
—  
  
“Ax~!”  
  
I was roused from my slumber by a high voice squawking loudly. My feelers wiggled and the clouds parted around me as I blinked my eyes open. A young woman in a bright yellow dress was tugging at my robes. She scrunched up her face in distress and wailed my name again.  
  
“Ax~! Time Baby is being a jerk again!”  
  
I patiently sat up from my bed of clouds, the bright pink and white mists reshaped into a sofa beneath me. My arms were suddenly full as the girl leaped into them. She wraps her arms around my neck and whines into my chest. “Uwu~” I pet her head soothingly. “What has he done this time?” I ask patiently.  
  
The girl looks up at me with tearful eyes. “He…he just…”  
  
I braced myself as she takes a deep breath. Oh dear.  
  
“He ate ALL my pocky without even asking first~!!!!” She shrieks. I sigh. Through my connection with my Alternatives, I can feel their resignation as well. The Me from Creation-13291395 sends me his sympathy. As my Creation was branched off from his, he best understood my situation. A Bill Cipher who wasn’t Bill Cipher but in fact a girl named Zyun-Jan. As with all branched Creations, my world was quite similar to my origin point save for a major deviation. In this case, it was our living situations due to the structure of our multiverse. I suppose our forms might be another factor.

  
  
For whatever reason, I have materialized in this world in the form of a humanoid. Time Baby is much smaller, the size of a human infant, and my Bill/Jan appears as a little girl. She had a male(herm?) form back when she was in the 2nd dimension but after gaining the power to shape shift, she’s been switching back and forth every few weeks, swapping her gender and name to match. In terms of living situations, the three of us lived together under one household.  
  
We had our own section of the house that was our domain. Outside our house lay the rest of the multiverse. Time Baby ran his empire from the comfort of his own room. Bill/Jan was constantly traveling out into the worlds to explore, play or perform his/her duties. Generally, Time Baby sends Jan/Bill out on errands. I know she hates them. I know they hurt her. But I cannot interfere in their many arguments about it.  
  
It pains me to see her tears but I cannot take a side. The last time I took a side during an argument was back when the Time Giants still lived. My heart ached at the memory of them. I will not repeat my mistake. All I can do is listen to Bill’s troubles and hold them when they cry. I longed to do more but I must not. For me to take a side is to unbalance the universe.  
  
I am quite relieved that this current problem was so…mundane. It actually amused me. I picked Jan up as she wailed and glided out of my room. “Can you not simply purchase more of this ‘Pocky’ that you crave so?” I asked idly as I brought her out to a shared lounge area. She puffed out her cheeks in an angry pout. “That’s not the point! He STOLE my food without even asking first!”  
  
“Would you have shared if he did?”  
  
“……….maybe.” She muttered.  
  
I laugh softly and placed her upon a chair. “And what if I asked?”  
  
She smiles at me brightly. “I would definitely share with you Ax!” She grips my robe in one hand, an unconscious gesture. She was such a contrary creature. So selfish and stingy when it comes to Time Baby. At the same time, she willingly and eagerly shared with me all that she has. I reminisce fondly on the treats she brings me from all over the multiverse. I still do not know exactly what a Marshmallow Peep is but they are quite delicious.  
  
She often tries to talk me into leaving the house with her. In her words “You’re a worse Hikkikomori than I am and that’s saying a lot!” I do not know what that means but I feel as if she is making fun of me.  
  
“Aside from the theft of your snacks, has anything else of note occurred today?” I ask as I glide around the room to tidy the many pillows that Jan has decorated it with. They added more color. I allow a soft smile to cross my expression. She certainly made the house more lively ever since she moved in.  
  
I remember when I first found her. Floating out in the void of space. Crying and laughing hysterically. For years she refused to leave my side, following me everywhere and always keeping at least one hand on me. When Time Baby came to demand his first task from her, I saw how afraid she was. She wasn’t ready for this. She was much too young. Sure, she was nearly 5 billion years old by then but in terms of a Cosmic Entity, that was barely out of infancy.  
  
She cried for a long time after her first job. It broke my heart to see it.  
  
“Well I had another Deal today, this weird bird-girl who wanted to fly but was too vain to allow for the muscle mass needed for true flight.” Zyun-Jan said in an annoyed tone. “Like, ugh~sure if you REALLY want to stay skinny but still have the benefits from an entirely different body structure~”  
  
I nod as I finish fluffing the pillows. It always amazes me how she has the patience to continue trying to use her powers to help people (though she mainly ends up punishing them instead). I receive countless prayers and pleads from my worshippers every day. I would never be able to answer them all, not that I can, so I simply allow their pleas to go through me, I accept them and send my own hopes back that they may come true.  
  
Bill though, he goes to meet every single person who calls for him. He puts in so much effort to try and connect with people. Even when those who summon him don’t do so with the best of intentions, he gives them a chance, a test, one final mercy to turn back before sealing the Deal. I say ‘He’ because Zyun-Jan always changes her form before going out in public.  
  
She becomes a He, morphing her body from her childish feminine form into a tall, attractive young man. She claims that the universe needs a dapper Bill Cipher. I suspect she simply enjoys the many admiring looks he receives from the mortals. Sometimes she tries out different forms in front of me and asks for my opinion, much like one would try on new clothing. Not that I understand fashion. Bill has often tried to make me wear a suit. Something about “You’re already pretty hot but a suit would make you drop-dead gorgeous!”  
  
I responded that I didn’t want anyone to drop dead. Also, I never leave the house so dressing up would be pointless. Bill pouted at me for weeks.  
  
“Oop- I’ve got another summoning.” Zyun-Jan sighs as her necklace starts vibrating. Her ‘true’ form doesn’t have a bowtie and the Call gets redirected to a jade Buddha necklace instead. I asked about it once, why she always wears one when she’s in her Zyun-Jan form. She gave me a small smile and fiddled with the stone. “I got this when I was a baby and I’ve been wearing it my whole life. My other forms don’t need it but this body feels naked without it.”  
  
With a shifting of particles Zyun-Jan became Bill. He grins as he adjusts the way his hat floats above his head in front of the hallway mirror. “Well, here’s hoping it’s a fun one. Wish me luck Ax~” He laughs as he blinks away in a flash of light. I remain there, watching the spot where he disappeared. The house already felt emptier without him.  
  
I head back to my room and curl up in a bed of clouds. Bill will wake me when he returns. I go back to sleep in the dead silence of my room.  
  
—  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, just a super short thing. Probably not going to have a plot or anything. It's just gonna be drabbles when I have the idea for them.


	2. It makes sense in context

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am the AXOLOTL. A being of infinite patience. They are Bill Cipher, the only creature in all existence who can strain my patience...despite this, I've found that I wouldn't want it any other way. The idea of a life without my Bill in it, annoying me, pulling me along with their schemes and just...being there with me, is a life I do not wish to have.
> 
> I suppose such a feeling would be called 'Love'

**Illusion is Reality- Iyashikei**  
  
**-It Makes Sense in Context-**  
  
—  
  
“So I’m just saying, if I got to write my own TV show, I would just have the plot and characters change every episode. It would drive viewers frickin’ NUTS!” Bill informs me during breakfast. He was twirling around the kitchen with an apron reading ‘Can’t make an omelette without breaking a few Skulls’ as he chattered on. I made a noncommittal noise and tested the flow of the cosmic sand in a bottle. It felt temporally fluid enough.  
  
I lifted Time Baby from his high chair and held the bottle up to his mouth. The embodiment of Time was scowling at Bill but accepted the bottle without too much protest. As I fed the baby, Bill flips the egg sizzling in the pan and continues his one sided conversation. “But like…wouldn’t that be a pretty cool idea though?”  
  
“IT’S A STUPID IDEA!” Time Baby spits out his bottle and grumbles. I’ve never told him this but the thunderous deep voice coming out of the tiny infant always startles me. It was odd that his voice could be so loud. I sigh as Bill makes offended sounds at Time Baby’s outburst. Not again.  
  
“It’s not a stupid idea! You just hate it because it’s INTERESTING!” Bill snaps.  
  
“IT’S CONFUSING, CHAOTIC AND MESSY! NO ONE WOULD WATCH IT!”  
  
“Well it’s not like YOU could write anything better!”  
  
I resist the urge to simply lock myself in my room to avoid this argument.  
  
“You have different tastes in entertainment. There’s nothing wrong with that.” I speak up, hoping desperately to stop the fight before it goes any farther. Just ONCE I would like them to stop going at each other’s throats. Can’t we have a quiet breakfast for once?  
  
Bill immediately stops shouting, smiling at me brightly and going back to his cooking. I almost sigh with relief. At least Bill was willing to back down if I spoke up. Time Baby just grumbled angrily but dropped the argument as well. Once more I’m struck with the thought that for some reason, they always listened to me, on the few times I ask things of them. Bill was shaking his hips as he hummed happily. I do not know the song but it was quite a pleasant melody.  
  
Bill made mushroom and avocado omelettes. They were quite delicious.  
  
—  
  
I accidentally walked in on Bill naked once when he was drying himself after a shower. He made a high pitched “Kyaaa!” scream and threw half his room at me. I apologized profusely and he eventually forgave me but he did give me a stern lecture about knocking before entering someone’s room. I never had to do that before. I suppose even I could learn something new?  
  
Bill says that for a god of Wisdom, I was certainly lacking in common courtesy. Then he declared that I needed to go outside and socialize. Despite my many protests, he managed to shove me out the door and took me to…  
  
A kindergarten.  
  
Bill was Zyun-Jan again, kneeling among the children and singing a song that I felt was inappropriate for little one’s their age but they seemed to enjoy it immensely. “The cow goes Moo Moo Moo~Then the farmer conks it over the head with a shovel~and that’s where we get hamburgers~” She sang.  
  
“Do we even have permission to be here?” I ask while some children begin climbing on my robes. I stayed still so they wouldn’t lose their grip and fall. “Nope~” Zyun-Jan giggles. I sigh wearily. This wasn’t going to end well.  
  
I was correct in my assessment. We were ‘escorted’ off the premises by the security team. I went along quietly while Zyun-Jan whined about how unfair this all was. I tried to pretend I didn’t know her but I don’t believe I succeeded. At least we weren’t arrested.  
  
Despite Zyun-Jan’s many attempts to get us arrested.  
  
I feel like she just wants to embarrass me in public because it amuses her. Sometimes I’m vividly reminded that even if she’s a nicer Bill Cipher, she’s still Bill Cipher.  
  
—  
  
“But like, if one guy tells me his Deal is for me to grant his wife’s wish in exchange for his life and his wife’s wish is that her husband lives to die of old age together with her…what the fuck am I supposed to even DO with that?!”  
  
“Hm.” I grunt absently.  
  
“I HAD a solution but it was a terrible one, I just made the both of them rapidly age into dust together. Like, doesn’t that just SUCK?”  
  
“Indeed.”  
  
“But it’s not my fault! Why did that idiot have to make such a stupid Deal? I can’t go against it. He offered his life and as per the terms, I’m forced to take it! Wasn’t that just…STUPID?!”  
  
“It was.”  
  
“Maybe I should have just refused to do the Deal altogether? Would that have been the right choice?”  
  
“If you think so.”  
  
“You’re right. I’m so dumb! I should have just told him ‘no’ and turned him into a screwdriver for being such a tool!”  
  
“Forced shapeshifting isn’t the solution to every problem Bill.” I sigh and bury my face in my hands.  
  
“Oh, so you WERE listening.” Bill gives me a wide grin full of pointed teeth.  
  
“I always listen to what you tell me, Bill.”  
  
He makes a pleased sound as he snuggles closer to my chest. I sigh. Bill was currently curled up in my lap. He’d come in earlier and started complaining about his Deals. His current form was a tall blonde man dressed in a baggy shirt with oversized sleeves. I don’t tell him that I found the fabric quite comfortable against my skin. He might get it in his head to make me wear his clothes.  
  
Again.  
  
I shake my head. What is it with Bill and their insistence on making me ‘try something new’ constantly. I don’t mind the occasional picnic but I’m the type who moves slowly and lives slowly. Bill’s maniac energy and constant need to DO stuff was…draining. I know that as a Being of Pure Energy, Bill LITERALLY cannot sit still for more than a few minutes at a time (I’ve seen him vibrate in place while trying to watch TV) but I wish he would understand that I’m simply not an active person.  
  
He says I’m boring.  
  
I cannot refute that observation.  
  
Even so, I would like to just go back to sleep. Unfortunately Bill was STILL talking. Through my mental link with my Alternative I can feel him shrug when I asked why MY Bill was so much MORE of a hassle than HIS. Our current working theory is that since in THIS reality, we were ACTUALLY living together, my Bill had more immediate access to my company. The only advice my Alternative had was ‘learn to sleep through the noise’ which wasn’t much help.  
  
“-en I told her that I don’t raise the long dead. It’s gross and unsanitary. But she goes off on me about how I’m ripping her off! Lady, you haven’t even PAID me yet!” Bill laid down with his head in my lap, one hand idly playing with my tail. It twitches away from him. Bill begins pulling at the helm of my robe instead. Truly, his need to fiddle with something was a great one.  
  
Since he was STILL ranting, I adjust the clouds that make up my bed and settled more comfortably. Maybe I could try turning Bill’s voice into background noise? Perhaps I could sleep that way. Like white noise that simply drones on beyond my notice?  
  
“-ut that Time Agent says to me ‘For your crimes against Time, you’re under arrest!’. Like, seriously? The only crime against Time was his atrocious hair cut. I know Time Baby not-so-secretly hates guys with beards. But THIS guy~full on Hagrid-esque hair EVERYWHERE! And to top it all off, a mullet! A freaking mullet!”  
  
I close my eyes and relax. Just…push it into the background…  
  
“-if a Fropian and a Heliapath got together, what the hell would their kid look like?! Would it have no eyes like the Fropian or 30 eyes like the Heliapath? Or will it only have 15? A sort of half-off deal?”  
  
Unfortunate that despite my attempts to ignore him, I know I would still retain the information I was forced to learn from him. And now I was thinking about Fropians and Heliapaths mating and I feel this would be the stuff of nightmares. I thank ME that I am incapable of experiencing nightmares.  
  
“-nd even after all those years, no one can tell for sure if My Immortal was an intentional crack-fic or just THAT bad. Like…it’s bad. Worse than bad. That fanfic could kill brain cells just attempting to read it.”  
  
I almost replied ‘Then why are you reading it’ before stopping myself. If I respond, he’ll just keep talking even longer. I breathed slowly, comfortable in my clouds. This wasn’t entirely bad. Bill was warm. His clothes were soft. Even that shrill voice of his can be…comforting? I quietly slip away into sleep, Bill’s presence oddly comforting. Right before I lose consciousness I hear him whisper quietly.  
  
“…good night Ax…”  
  
—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Writing Ax's POV is always strange, fun, but strange.


	3. Lampshade Hanging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It should be easy.

**Illusion is Reality: Iyashikei**

**-Lampshade Hanging-**

\---

I was doing the laundry. I never had to do this before, but Bill often came home with clothes for me and herself. I have even found her bringing back some clothing for Time Baby but she denies it when asked. I feel like she very much wants to get along with him but everytime they enter the same room as each other the negativity in the room escalates.

I sigh as I fold another shirt. If only there was some way to make them get along. Or would that be too meddlesome of me? I have been having these thoughts of interactions more often lately. It's become harder to stay Nuetral. When Bill comes to me with that look on her face after a job it takes everything I have to not step in. I have requested Time Baby to not demand Bill for any job that his own men could accomplish on their own.

I know there are plenty of people his Police force can simply arrest or...silence. It's a distressing subject but Time Baby often makes the desicion to get rid of anyone or thing that will throw off the balance of the universe. His job is important.

So is mine but my purpose doesn't require any direct interference. I create Souls. Constantly. I also keep track of anyone who dies so I can recycle their souls back into the system. It's a full-time job and I'm more than capable of performing my duties without trouble. I feel every single death in the multiverse. The souls are released and some will go to their respective afterlives when they get grabbed by any other gods or demons while others are directly sent to me for recycling.

We each have our role to play in the grand order of things. As Bill has described to me once, Time Baby is rigidly on the Lawful side, Bill herself is Chaotic and I am the true Neutral. Apparently they were terms from a...role player game? Regardless of where the terms originate, they are amazingly accurate.

"Ax~" Bill sings as he stumbles into the room. Drunk. Oh no.

Holding back a sigh, I reach out to steady him and made him sit down in one of the chairs. "Must you always do this?" I ask as I take a good look at Bill to see how badly drunk he was this time. Bleary eyes, swaying and giggling. He was also tapping his feet to some tune no one else can hear.

"Hey Ax..." Bill giggled. I brush his hair from his face. He'd gone with the tall blonde look today. "Guess wh-what I did today~" he sent me a grin, his gaze falling somewhere over my shoulder instead.

"I do not truly wish to know."

"Too bad! I'm tell you anyway~" Bill sways forward and pitches over. I catch him easily and attempt to sit him back down but he slides boneless to the ground. Ah, he was very drunk. Bill hates touching the ground normally. "So...so I found her..." He smiles so wide it looks painful.

"Found who?" I kneel beside him, making sure he doesn't fall over.

"Pyronica..." Bill breathes with pure joy in his tone. "She...she's just as cool as the fanfics make her out to be..." His head flops back and I place a hand on his head to lift it back up. "A-and like...she said we can be friends! Isn't that cool?"

"I'm happy for you." I say truthfully. "But why are you drunk?"

"Wha?" Bill blinks at me. "I'm drunk?" He looks absolutely stunned at this observation. I sigh. "Yes Bill. You're drunk."

"Oh." He pauses to think about it. "Oh my god I'm drunk!" He cries. "How did that happen?" He asks me, as if I'd magically know.

"I do not know. Why don't you tell me what you did today?" I say patiently. Bill nods and slumps over to nuzzle into my chest.

"W-well I was...I was meeting with a client..." Bill's face scrunched up in concentration. "He wanted me to break one of his men out of the Inca-infi...infen...the Time Jail..." He struggled to speak through his intoxication.

"So I went there and I found the guy...but I also found Pyronica. An...and she was starting a fight with the other prisoners...ate like...3 guys...it was pretty sick." Bill grins. I doubt I will ever understand his fascination with violence.

"So like...I offered to break her out of there too and she was like-" here, Bill pitched his voice up in what I am certain is a terrible impersonation of this woman he met "Oh that would be super cool of you." Bill blinks slowly. "I think she also called me a cutie which was fla-flat...flat...what's the word?"

"Flattering?"

"Yes. That! So I get both her an' that other guy out of there. Man, the looks on the guard's faces...you should have seen them Ax...it was so funny~" he giggles, gripping my robe. "So I sent the other guy off because we're done here and I ask Pyronica if there's anywhere she wants to be dropped off..."

He sighs and snuggles up to me. Bill always got more touchy feely when he was drunk. A far cry from his usual reservations with physical contact. He liked holding onto me or my robes but wasn't big on full body contact unless he was feeling lonely (it was only with me that he felt this comfortable around, I've seen him shy away from anyone else). "We went to a dance club...the music was awful. I should introduce good music ta people..."

He frowned. "We danced and she...she...I think she was trying to kiss me? I told her I wasn't into her and she backed off. I got a milkshake and there wasn't enough cream so...I think I made it rain tiny cows inside the bar." He made a squeezing motion with his hand. "They just spurt out milk...actually...fuck I don't think those were cows...are cows suppose to have feathers?" He looked so confused.

"Not normally." I assure him.

He nods. "Yeah that sounds right...so...so I only had a milkshake...so...why am I drunk?"

I had a sinking feeling but I asked anyway to confirm "Did Pyronica do anything to you?"

He shook his head quickly and then groaned dizzily. "Naw, she asked me if I thought she was pretty...I said she's damn gorgeous but I'm not interested. She said it was a shame...but she didn't do anything to me..." He pulled at my robe. "She didn't! I wouldn't have let her. I'm not stu...stup..stupid!"

"I was not implying that you were." I assure him. Bill sighs and leans into my chest with his eyes closed. "Pyronica wouldn't do that...she's nice..." He mumbles. I was relieved nothing happened but I was still worried. "When I sta-started getting dizzy she told me I should go home. She looked kinda...sad? No that's not the word...I can't think of it right now..."

I rumble "Do you want me to put you in bed?" Bill nods. "The room's spinnin'." He mumbles. I carefully pick him up, Bill's arms wrapping around my neck and he leans on my shoulder. I carry him easily, he's surprisingly light. As I head to his room I hear him mumble against my neck. "-anks for worrying 'bout me..."

"Oh course I worry." I tell him as I carry him over to the large bed full of fluffy colorful blankets. He can't sleep but he loves lounging on the soft covers. As I tuck him in I wonder if there was a way to allow him true sleep? Sad as it was, getting black out drunk was the closest he came to such a thing and I've seen him purposly use Alchohol for that purpose.

As I leave the room I hear a faint mumble "-ove you Ax..."

A tight, heavy feeling knots up my chest. "Rest well Bill." I respond before closing the door.

\---

I am the AXOLOTL. I am the True Neutral of the universe. I am the passive observer. I do not take sides. I do not play favorites. I cannot be bias. I cannot selfishly pick and choose who I like or dislike. I cannot place personal value on the lives of others. I cannot hate and I cannot love. I cannot deviate from my purpose. I must judge all equally. I must do my duty.

It should have been easy to remain unattached.

I grip my robes over my chest where my heart was. My knuckles were white.

It should have been easy.

\---

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I ended up writing a short little thing on the plane ride. I think I should update my fics in order of whichever one was last updated...though I don't always have ideas for what to write.
> 
> I enjoy doing stuff from Ax's POV. His thought process is very different from Bill's and it's fun to get in there to mess with.


	4. What happened to the mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have decided on a path. I don't know if this is correct. I don't know what will happen from now on. But for the first time since the dawn of the new era, I have made a choice.
> 
> The others tell me I am foolish.
> 
> Well, as Bill would say "You're like that blind idiot god thing I read about in Lovecraft!"
> 
> I actually do not know if that was supposed to be an insult or not...

**Illusion is Reality: Iyashikei**  
  
**-What happened to the mouse-**  
  
\---  
  
Bill wanted to bring Pyronica home.  
  
I was unsure about it. Bill saw my hesitence and pleaded with me. "She's an escaped criminal! She has nowhere to go!"  
  
I sighed. "And letting her live here, near Time Baby, the one who runs the governmental system that arrested her to begin with, is your idea of a fix?"  
  
Bill looks at the ground and wiggled sadly. "B-but...but..." Her eyes teared up and I could feel my resolve weaken. My alternates were already berating me for my weakness. The only one who didn't was the AXOLOTL from my parent branch dimension.  
  
He understood how I felt when dealing with our respective Bills. He had straight up decided to take in his Bill as a daughter. I wasn't sure yet how I felt about mine. Her 'true' human form APPEARED to be a young girl and it certainly made me consider parenthood, I have already taken up being Time Baby's guardian after all (even if it was in a distant way).  
  
Bill's neoteny was different from both Time Baby or my newt-like nature. While Time Baby was physically, genetically and developmentally an infant (with the emotional range to match) he was still quite intelligent whenever his underdeveloped brain didn't inturupt his duties (his lack of object permanence caused him many problems). I am an Axolotl, even if I have a human form in this universe, my alternatives are all fully grown newts who still appeared to be larva.  
  
Bill though, even if we disregard how she was a teenage flatlander when she ascended into godhood in the other dimensions, this Bill, my Bill, was a full grown adult woman in her past life. Despite that, she still appeared to be a teenager.  
  
Acted like one too.  
  
I watched as her eyes widened and her lip wobbles. A soft whimper sounds out and I sighed. "If you want your friend to live here, you will need to keep her seperate from our living quarters."  
  
She brightens and cheers, jumping up to hug me. "Thank you thank you thank you!" I reach out my arms to grab onto her so she didn't fall. "Will you be able to build the extension to the house?" I asked.  
  
Bill nods eagerly. "I'm gonna go look up carpentry! Grey never taught me but I can teach myself!" She jumps off me and scurried away to find carpenters she could mind-scan. She calls it 'Consulting the brain Google'. I shake my head fondly.  
  
My alternates claim me and the other AXOLOTL were getting too attached to our Bills. We are meant to stay Nuetral. We cannot afford to get attached.  
  
Not again.  
  
Not ever again.  
  
Their reminder hurt. I know. I know it was unwise to grow so fond of Bill Cipher. There had been many other AXOLOTL who had, in a fit of weakness, allowed themselves to love. There were even some who had chosen to love their Bills. I shivered at the memory received from one such AXOLOTL. He and his Bill actually...dated each other.  
  
Many of us had cringed in horror and disgust at it, even those who had chosen to love their Bills hadn't DARED to take it any further. I was amoung them, but that was before I had met MY Bill. All these eons together made me sympathetic to that particular alternate's plight. Bill was charming, energetic and so very interesting. Even if that particular alternate's Bill had betrayed him in the end, I could no longer fault him for his weakness.  
  
I was falling prey to that same thing.  
  
I retreated to my room where I could sleep and ignore everything. Like I always do. Like WE always do. Like the cowards we were.  
  
Most powerful entity in all creation and yet we were nothing more than cowards. Fearful of rejection and loss. Those of us who were brave enough to try would all fail and we watch their failure, warned of their fallacy. Some of my alternatives claimed that failure is in itself, a victory. For it was better to try and fail than to do nothing.  
  
But none of us wanted to be that one who tried. Eventually, with the infinite possibilities and infinite AXOLOTLS we will have ones who try. Try and fail. Over and over. It was something we all saw. We shared our memories. Our experiences. An infinite number from an infinite timelines.  
  
Nearly all AXOLOTL have one choice in common. We give our Bills a 2nd chance. If his time comes to burn he needs only to invoke our name. I haven't yet sat my Bill down for that Deal. Neither has the AXOLOTL from my parent branch of reality.  
  
We didn't really want to bring up the subject. We didn't want to consider our Bills Fate. Part of me was hoping it would never be a problem. My Bill was much too sweet to ever cause the terror that results in people WANTING to kill her. Besides, she knows well the Fate of what she calls 'CanonBill' so part of me was hoping it wouldn't come to that.  
  
I drift off to sleep in blissful oblivion and feel my heart ease up it's worry.  
  
\---  
  
I will confess I do not...appreciate Pyronica being here.  
  
As per my stipulations, Bill built another addition to our shared housing unit. Of course, even if she hadn't, the Cyclopian wouldn't have been able to enter the main house without being torn apart by the sheer cosmic energy permeating the building.  
  
The new wing of the house connected into Bill's room and it was pretty much impossible for the large pink woman to get into the main house, the only way in was through Bill's room and I have explained that she cannot let any mortals through unless she wanted them ripped apart by their molecules.  
  
The new extensions to the house are rather unstable. Bill is not exactly a carpenter. But it holds together under Bill's power and I eventually pointed out the stability issues so she could fix it. Time Baby was understandably angry that Bill was allowing a convicted criminal to live near us.  
  
"SHE IS A HEARTLESS MURDERER WHO EATS PEOPLE!" He thundered.  
  
"So...isn't that what you call ME?" Bill pouted. Time Baby surprised me with his response "YOU MAY BE A MONSTER BUT YOU ARE NOT HEARTLESS, SHE HOWEVER IS!"  
  
"She does feel a complete lack of guilt for the innocents she has killed. We are simply worried for your safety around her." I point out as nuetrally as I could. I do not like this Pyronica, she has already fallen into bad habits, she is going to be a terrible influence on my Bill.  
  
"Look, she doesn't even know you two live here and it's not like she would ever find out or be able to get close to you. I can take care of myself!" Bill pouts.  
  
I can see he doesn't want to listen. I sigh. Bill's stubbornness is another thing I both admire and dislike. I absently realize that my attempts to talk him out of being friends with the Cyclopian already meant I had left my passive state. Oh dear. My alternates are watching, many are judging me to be another failed AXOLOTL who couldn't remain Nuetral.  
  
To my own surprise, I didn't care.  
  
"Bill." I said firmly, feeling both terrified and emboldened by my newfound decisiveness. "Pyronica can live with you, but that means she is your responsibility. Please see to it that she doesn't kill anymore innocent people."  
  
Bill seemed surprised. Time Baby looked gobsmacked. Slowly Bill smiles and nods. "Ok Ax!" He runs up to bury his face on my shoulder with a close hug. "Thank you for giving her a chance." he lets go and runs off to his side of the house.  
  
Time Baby floats up to me and frowns. "IS THIS REALLY THE BEST DECISION?"  
  
"If Bill is focused on preventing Pyronica from committing more crimes, he will be too busy to cause trouble of his own." I explain. Also, I was hoping that if Bill is aware of the issue, he wouldn't be as easily influenced towards the bad behavior that his new friend tends to go for.  
  
I am amazed as always by how different mortals can become within just a few years. This Pyronica had been in prison for a couple years and it already turned her from a hungry street urchin into a selfish murderer. I hold out hope that Bill could reform her, give her the care and love needed to heal from her trauma and perhaps become more like the Pyronica from the dimension of my parent timeline.  
  
The Ax from there seems to approve of me. **-You are brave, to try and make a stand-** he tells me.  
  
"No. I am taking a stand because I am a coward." I correct him. "I am afraid of losing my Bill to corruption. I will not let her fall and break like so many other Bills."  
  
I still fear what would happen. The tragedy of the Time Giants has not been forgotten. But remaining quiet might lose me my Bill and frankly, I've decided that I couldn't take that chance. Perhaps I am making a mistake.  
  
Perhaps my desire to keep my Bill is in itself, a mistake.  
  
**-You will corrupt yourself with this selfishness. You will destroy every**  
**thing once again-** the other AXOLOTLS tell me. The one from my parent branch is quiet and I feel his hesitant approval at my determination to stick to this path despite knowing all this.  
  
"It is selfishness that makes me act. But...is it not also selfishness that causes you all to remain motionless?" I tell them all. I can feel their pity and disapproval but I no longer care.  
  
There are an infinite worlds, with an infinite AXOLOTL who make an infinite decisions. So I am simply another who has chosen to deviate. I am simply one in an infinite possibilities who has chosen to try out a new decision. I may fail. I may ruin everything and end up corrupted or the destroyer of the multiverse.  
  
**-Remember what happened with the Anti-AXOLOTL-** the others warned me.  
  
I know. We all know. The Anti-AXOLOTL took his failure the hardest. He over compensated by stripping most of his universe of free will, he micromanaged everything and enslaved the mortals under his rule so that he could make things 'perfect'. The only place safe from his influence was the 3rd dimension of his multiverse, in which his Anti-Bill and Anti-Baby collaborated to keep safe.  
  
They even collaborated to put the Anti-AXOLOTL into a deep sleep. It was the only way to protect their dimension. Many of us use that Anti-verse as a warning. It is a cautionary timeline that we all avoid becoming.  
  
I know this well. Even if I am stepping up for the sake of my own selfishness, I will not become like Anti. He stepped up out of anger and desperation. I am stepping up out of worry and love.  
  
I pause, shocked that I had admitted, at least to myself, the true reason for my deviance.  
  
Love. I...love my Bill Cipher.  
  
Somehow, admitting it seemed to give this feeling more weight. I had to sit down. Love. That is what it is. I have not truly loved since my foolish actions caused the deaths of my very first friends. I had chosen to love all life equally, for if one loved all without ranking then one would love no one at all. It had been easier to passively care for all the Souls within my domain.  
  
But now I have chosen one entity to give my heart to. If I know anything about what it means to bare my heart, it is that Bill will only be the first. Soon I will love others, giving more and more of myself to others. It was a terrifying prospect but...  
  
I thought of Bill's smile. I thought of her slim fingers brushing through my hair. I thought of the stories she always chose to share with me. The nights she would curl up by my side and pretend to sleep. The little songs she sang as she wove her nightmares. The boundless joy and curiosity she had for exploring the world around her.  
  
The way she would tell me "I love you Ax."  
  
I love them all. Everything she does. The realization hit me all at once. I had to lie down I was so overwhelmed by this. It was so scary but I felt...happy. I love Bill Cipher. And perhaps, I will grow to love others as well. Probably Time Baby or my Oracle Jheselbraum as well.  
  
The Souls kept within me swirled about along with my giddy feelings. I tried to calm my racing heart. I cannot let my emotions influence the Souls. They are meant to be blank slates, cleared of everything from their previous life so that they could start life anew with a fresh start. I pressed a hand to my chest and felt the rapid pounding of my heart.  
  
This was too much for me. I couldn't handle this. I wasn't used to Feeling this much emotion all at once. My breathing was erratic, the room felt like it was tilting. I was having a panic attack. I laid on my bed of clouds and wheezed. Maybe this was a bad idea. I should have gone more slowly. Oh no oh no oh no-  
  
I blacked out.  
  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quick little thing I wrote just now. A deviant AXOLOTL, where will he go from here?
> 
> Shout out to A God's Retribution, an AU where Bill and his AXOLOTL (Lottie) had been together until Lottie found out Bill tried to destroy the earth and broke up with him.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15459219


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